These last two weeks have been tough. Not only have I started to absolutely doubt everything, from the tangibility of my project to future choices, to even the validity of me being on the course, but I’ve also been ill, which really hasn’t helped. I keep putting up mountains in front of me, seeing the whole project instead of just this week, and there’s no point in trying to climb a mountain all at once when you could just do it in more manageable sections. I think my attitude towards the project needs to change slightly, a friend suggested that maybe I start to see the project as 2 or 3 week projects, doing the same amount of work that I would’ve done for them, and being able to build on it every couple of weeks, instead of being quite flippant about the time element. I think this is all well and good in theory, but in practise might be a bit tricky to take on, however I do think an element of this might make it seem a little less daunting and make it more manageable.
At the beginning of week 3 I was getting a lot of guidance from tutors and peers, which was helping me in some ways, in others, the more people I explained my ideas to the further away from the truth I think they became, and every bit of input confused me further. It wasnt until I sat down and had a strict word with myself, Onna, you have really got to start getting on with it, that inspiration struck and I felt like I had landed on my feet a bit more.
I think that due to the length of the project its easy to get lost, starting with a pitch that contains a lot of naivety, coming across a lot of problems and trying to fix them in a way that you can afford to and not lose out on time. I feel that I didn’t do this quickly enough, letting myself wallow and be distracted by literally anything else as I was so scared of failing and producing a bad project that I didn’t want to start at all. In this regard it’s time to start producing a lot of work and shoots, and concentrating on the joy that photography brings instead of looking at it in a negative way.
I think my refined idea does link very well to the brief, and has a lot more me in it, as opposed to the project that I pitched. I feel self conscious and maybe slightly arrogant that my work always seems to lead back to a personal thing, but in terms of an introspective piece of work that could sit perhaps in an artist book or tucked away in a gallery space, like a memory is tucked away until you find/remember it again. In terms of artist book, I would like it to be something that doesn’t need explaining as such, perhaps just a series of images that link themselves in my mind personally, but carry whatever kind of gravity that the viewer puts into the work (Aaron Schuman’s Slant comes to mind). In order for this though, I think I need a lot more imagery, and a variety of such. I think this is important to get this side of Easter and into the Easter break so I can stick to my time plan and be editing and putting together any final pieces after the break.
I need to be looking at more artists, and that is my plan for today (another snow day) alongside further research into the more theoretical side of things, helping to underpin the justification of an introspective piece of work.
I’m really hoping this doesn’t put me too far behind, or at least if it has, I can catch up pretty quickly, as natural light is more of a friend to me now after experimenting in the studio again, so I can be conducting more still life and portrait shoots at home, alongside getting out on location back to the Lantern as soon as I can. I am aware that I need more actual photographs, and this is possibly of highest importance, so will be making action plans, looking at my time plan and seeing where this takes me.