• whilst watching my old VHS videos captured of my childhood and people in it, I started to wonder why I was doing this project. Watching them makes me feel like crying, like parts of me just want to go back to that exact moment. But so many of these moments I don’t actually remember, instead, the tapes are my memories. I often get confused about which memories are my own, which are pictures, which are imaginings, and this gave me a chance to realise why.
  • I have a fear of letting these precious memories go, heck, my biggest fear is a fire destroying any pictures and recordings of my childhood. They are too precious, too much part of me to be able to let go. I have a fear of moving forward and leaving these things firmly in the past, I have a fear of moving into a world where the safety of my childhood does not surround me.
  • So this leads me to the decay of the memories. They fade, and with every remembering, they change slightly (its called memory consolidation, see another post for more). I cling to memories, using them to escape from the present, using other happier times to replace using my own mind right there and then, and so I keep them alive, letting them decay at the same time.
  • So I hope to look at this and create a typology of images, moving images, fine art conceptual pieces around this concept, this has much more of a justification to the experimentation I want to carry out, using the concept of decaying memories to use actual decaying materials (or at least the appearance of them) such as peeling transfers, old film, grainy images.
  • Using a mixture of old footage and old pictures, a new idea comes in the form of involving portraits in my project, setting up simple deadpan portraits with people who are both in the picture from my childhood and still in my life now. Then I can juxtapose them.
  • I also hope to shoot on film around the lantern, using a 35mm (Max has one I can borrow) and perhaps something a bit more ‘old school’ like a Mamiya or Hasselblad medium format, to give my images that ‘aura’.
  • With all this in the mix I still want to experiment with physical manipulation and techniques such as heat transfers on different fabrics and materials, sewing, drawing, writing and so forth.
  • In mind to a final user context, I want to present a mixture of things, things you can touch and also visual, scanning in any smaller projects to put into a book, zine, or maybe even to go alongside a piece of writing (which has been interesting me more and more recently).


  • I think in the meantime, I have to get the ball rolling in regards to experimentation, getting things printed out, worked on and tried again if they don’t work, I think this is the only way I’m really going to get anywhere.
  • In regards to new shoots, I think going back to the Lantern and organising some quiet family portraits to start with will definitely be helpful to get more imagery, as well as shooting some footage on either my Fujifilm or iPhone for digital manipulation in post.
  • I am so much more energised, ready to go and ready to create than I was even 3 days ago, and I really think this idea will carry me through, especially sticking with my project title – Enouement, and that bittersweet feeling that accompanies my memories.

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