As I mentioned in my stage 1 evaluation, I have seen myself grow a lot since the beginning of the course and I stick by that now, at the end of stage 2.
The photography pathway has opened up my eyes even further, recognising the way I work within myself and learning to combat problems in the best way possible, though often with the help of tutors and friends. I find myself a lot more verbal about my work, whereas before I tried to solve problems by myself, I’ve now started to allow others in and to help, gaining some close friends as well who don’t mind bouncing ideas for half an hour or so. I think this has helped so much, but has definitely come with time, the opportunity to get feedback and constructive criticism about my work also tying in with this. I have begun to deal with taking on board suggestions and additions that come from crits and tutorials, and find that instead of as before, when I took them in a negative way, I have started to work through things in a positive way, allowing the suggestions to build up my work instead of tear myself down.
I enjoy my work a lot more now, the theory and reading around aspect perhaps taking too much of an emphasis, as mentioned in my latest crit, the need to start ‘playing’ a bit more is evident, allowing yourself to experiment can take you down new routes and in positive new directions. I feel if I had heard this at the end of stage 1 I would’ve been hurt and lost motivation, but now it only spurs me on to create more and be more open within my practise. I think the guidance and support from tutors ad lectures and friends throughout stage 2 and indeed, photography pathway has been invaluable, and I could not have created the projects I have without them.
I feel though, with the external factors such as UCAS preparations, at times I became sidetracked and lost my way slightly, finding it difficult to juggle two such important things. I think this juggling of important factors in life is again, something that comes with time, and as I go on towards final major project, it will start to become more manageable (I hope!)
I felt a real distance from my narrative project, even though I created something so personal, perhaps coming off the high of creating the documentary project (definitely my strongest piece of work) and then falling into the 2 week proejct alongside personal statements etc, lead me down a bit of a maze of thinking and producing work. This distance continued throughout my portrait project aswell, being preoccupied perhaps slightly too much with UCAS prep.
I think the last couple weeks have been a bit of a blur, and my outlet was creating and wiring and getting stuck into my work, I think I’m finding the way that I want to present my work within the context of photography, and although I won’t write it here and ‘create’ that reality in my mind, I think the further I begin to develop my style and way of working through stage 3 and final major project, that feeling can only get stronger.
I feel at this particular moment in time, unmotivated, and ready for a break, to sort my head out, and to put a couple of things into perspective (uni offers, reflecting back on the work I have created so far). I think that I feel so distanced is because I am overwhelmed, and can’t wait for a couple of days just to put everything back in order again, ready for the final major project.
I recognise that I can come up with ideas and do all the thinking around the briefs, but struggle to get a plan into action, to just start creating – the fear of creating badly comes into this; I’d rather not create at all then create something badly. But this is really the wrong attitude to have, especially going into a 12 week project where the opportunities to play and expand my work is so vital. ‘Mistakes are good’ is really the new way of thinking I need to get my head around, but again, I hope in time it’ll come!