Having explored mixed media within both my a level art and photography, I knew how much I enjoyed working with different textures. In terms of research I found this project lacking in actual evidence, as I felt that it more needed the work to speak for itself. I found when creating the actual document that I was coming up with ideas that allowed me to explore the emotion of the concept instead of being pinned up by creating something to a strict pattern. I feel made the final document very honest and when asking for feedback from those close to me who knew me at the time of this particular period in my life, reported back to me that they found it difficult to read and fully understand as they found it painful to know the ‘ins and outs’ of the time.
I found it difficult to present to the group in crit, as it pulled on me to be really honest in front of people I don’t know especially well. I felt quite vulnerable and exposed, not only allowing people to view my work but also reveal quite personal subject matter definitely takes quite a bit of skirting around the entire truth in my actual speaking, but also in a way bare all within my project.
I had scanned in my pages, but in the end the book simply got passed around the group and this felt strange, talking about my project to people who had no idea about what they were going to see definitely made me be careful about the amount of preconceptions I was subconsciously creating and what I was speaking about.
I did however present a standalone image from my set of rose images on the screen, and explained that I knew very much what quite an abstract image represented to myself and knew its meaning, but found everyone I talked to had a different take on the subject matter. It was suggested that a couple of my peers suggested their take, and this ended up making me quite emotional, as their readings somehow allowed me to really examine how I can use my photography to express myself, sometimes not needing words.
I found this project abrupt and difficult. not so much when I had settled on my idea, but within the research and idea development stage I struggled, attempting to cram a large amount of work into little less than two weeks. It wasnt until I told myself just to create what ‘needed to be said’ I actually became able to actually create. I think this is important to learn for myself, and learning to walk the line carefully between taking myself too seriously and just creating because I can and using this to say something, which I think is the ultimate goal within my work.
I feel slightly disappointed that I didn’t explore further within my actual photography, there was a chance to take some portraits with the prism and further explore the technique to really nail the images that were being produced, and I don’t like to use the phrase ‘if i had more time’ because I had the time, I just didnt use it wisely. It’s definitely something I need to work on – the idea of not conducting a shoot because of the fear of failure, as this is a close minded mind-set, as the exploration of techniques and reshoots are so important in getting the right imagery.
I’m pleased with the final outcome, I am proud of the actual document, and although on reflection have gone through and found things I could change, also find myself not wanting to change anything, as the almost ‘trance like state’ I got into when creating shows how I expressed it all within that mindset. very cathartic. very needed.